#SaylorBTCPurchase It all started on a foggy Tuesday morning when I accidentally clicked on an ad that said “DOUBLE YOUR BITCOIN IN 10 MINUTES.” Naturally, I trusted it. That led me to Binance, where I made an account under the name “CryptoKing47” because “CryptoGod” was taken. I deposited exactly $6.73, which was all I had in my bank account after buying instant noodles and a fidget spinner.
I had no idea what I was doing, so I clicked on the coin with the coolest name: DOGEWALRUS-X. I dumped everything into it at 100x leverage and then went to take a nap. I woke up three hours later to find I was negative $328, which confused me because I never had that money to begin with.
So I clicked some more random buttons. I somehow opened 12 trades at once, half of them shorting Bitcoin, the other half longing Ethereum Classic, and one just said “YOLOcoin” with a skull icon. Within minutes, the market did something called “a reversal moon dump squeeze” — and suddenly, my $6.73 turned into $4.8 million.
Panicking, I tried to withdraw it all but accidentally staked it for 100 years. I emailed Binance support, and a guy named “Dave” told me to chill and sent me a meme of a cat wearing sunglasses. I cried.
A week later, YOLOcoin rugged, Bitcoin flash crashed to $3, and my portfolio turned into 37 Binance points and a mystery NFT of a pixelated banana.
Now I live in a van, but technically, I’m a crypto millionaire—just not the kind that has access to their funds.
Still worth it.
#NeverSell
#HODL
