再见了这段难为的时光

Today, I finally made a decisive choice to leave, without losing everything; I still had 62 US dollars left. I sold all, not leaving a cent, because this was my last bit of dignity! After playing for five years intermittently, I lost fifty to sixty thousand, of which thirty to forty thousand was borrowed.
Yes, at this moment, I admit that I indeed lost! But I do not regret it, even though every night my mind was in agony, often waking up at four or five o'clock, then checking my positions on my phone, and feeling heart-wrenched and unwilling after each margin call, as well as the helplessness every time I thought about my debts. If I hadn’t borrowed money, maybe I would have gotten out long ago! Sometimes after a margin call, I repeatedly told myself that I should leave, but every time the remaining 50 to 60 US dollars made me unwilling to fail like this! It wasn’t until today that I realized, admitting that I cannot conquer contracts is, in fact, a kind of alternative liberation!