Whales

Dear ocean-dweller, fellow fauna, neighbor in liquidity and misfortune,
You probably already know where you belong in the grand taxonomy of the crypto sea, but just in case you’ve forgotten or trauma-blocked the memory after the last airdrop, let’s go over it again. For those who’ve never been lovingly called shrimp, or didn’t realize that plankton wasn’t just an insult but a verified rank, we now present the semi-official 2025 BTC sea creature classification. Because yes, even in a market this chaotic, we still find time to name ourselves after fish.
Strictly speaking, this system classifies users based on how much Bitcoin they hold. But if we're being fair, total portfolio value often provides a more accurate reflection of one’s real position in the crypto sea. A whale holding only Bitcoin is still a whale, but the modern sea is full of SOL crabs, ETH dolphins, and BNB shrimp. So think of this as a framework — not a judgment.
Plankton: Less than 0.01 BTC.
You’re not early. You’re not late. You’re just watching — usually from the shallow end. You haven’t missed the Launchpool; it simply wasn’t meant for you. You’ve clicked faucets, registered for testnets, maybe even tweeted in Tagalog for a shot at a few cents. You check the price ten times a day, but your wallet couldn’t move a chart if it tried. And yet, you’re not alone. There are tens of thousands just like you. Quiet, yes. But everywhere.
Shrimp: 0.01 to 1 BTC.
Skeptical, scrappy, slowly stacking. You’ve been around long enough to know when not to ape, but not long enough to stop trying. Some days you’re proud, other days you wonder what else you could have bought.
Crab: 1 to 10 BTC.
Battle-hardened. Ambivalent. Patient. You’ve seen cycles. Maybe even more than one. Sometimes you trade. Sometimes you just stare at the ceiling. People ask for your opinion — and you hate that they do.
Octopus: 10 to 50 BTC.
Still here. Still underwater. Still smarter than most. Maybe you run a node, maybe you don’t. But you do remember mining on a laptop. You’ve seen three cycles and lost faith twice. You think in halvings, not headlines. You don’t chase ETFs — you roll your eyes at them. And you don’t need to tweet. You already did that in 2017.
Fish: 50 to 100 BTC.
You were early, or just lucky, or both. You don’t brag, but you could. When you buy, people notice. You understand that silence is alpha.
Dolphin: 100 to 500 BTC.
You’ve built something. Or inherited something. Or held on. Your presence on-chain leaves a trace. You’re known, even if you pretend you are not. You fund projects. You test networks. You disappear for months.
Shark: 500 to 1,000 BTC.
You move volume. You cause liquidations. You are what people mean when they say, “That wasn’t retail.” You have backups for your backups. You’ve seen the inside of a server rack. You dream in gas fees.
Whale: 1,000+ BTC.
People write articles about your wallet. You don’t care. You never cared. You were there when Mt. Gox collapsed. You were probably also there when Bitcoin Pizza Day was just called “Tuesday.”
This is the taxonomy. It shifts, like tides, but it holds. And wherever you are in the waterline — from silent plankton to veteran whale — you are part of the ecology. You keep it afloat. Or at least, you help it sink gracefully.
#whales #terminology